Step into the Unicorn Discotheque

Welcome.

It’s early days here on my blog, so I will likely pick random things about my weird mental makeup to talk about for some time. One of these things is the Unicorn Discotheque.

You might call it your Happy Place; we’ve all got one, and mine is the UD. What you will find within its magical, imaginary walls is pretty much anything outside the realm of the serious, political, newsworthy, or even heartwarming. (Have you ever noticed how things that are heartwarming are comprised largely of sad things? THERE IS NO SAD IN THE UNICORN DISCOTHEQUE.)

I mentally check myself into the UD when I am dwelling far too much on things I can’t control (which as it turns out, is a lot of things). In fact, I write to you from the UD right now; I admitted myself the other day after the shooting in Berkeley, MO.

My symptoms include, but are not limited to: not wanting to hear any more shrill conjecture from people who have no more information than anyone else; witch hunting; “us vs. them”-mongering; name-calling; excessive judgment of other people’s experiences; people who say “should” like it’s their job… you get the idea.

We have not had cable in our home for years for several good reasons–not the least of which is we’d rather put out our eyes than give Comcast a dime of our money. Additionally, the 24-hour news cycle is a soul-crushing juggernaut. It’s not enough for a thing to be tragic and terrible, we have to tart it up, turn up the volume, and beat it past the point where we can recognize the features of the actual event. It is exhausting and deeply depressing, not to mention completely unproductive.

I am not advocating that we bury our heads in the sand here, just that maybe we don’t have to turn other people’s tragedies into pain porn. The next time we catch ourselves licking our collective chops over that celebrity going into rehab AGAIN, it’s time to take a step back and tend our own crops. What if we did something useful instead? Help out a friend who’s having a rough time; spend an afternoon at your local animal shelter; clear out your pantry and closet so someone else can have a little more.

That’s the ticket: usefulness. And when we’re not being useful? That’s right.

UNICORN DISCOTHEQUE.

Declare a moratorium on heavy shit for a day or two. Abstain from drama and bitching on Facebook. Post a lovely comment or memory on the wall of someone you haven’t talked to in a while (a friend did this for me today and it made me feel like a million bucks). Indulge in deeply silly memes. Post unabashedly proud pictures of your kid, your dog (please post dog pictures. I love them.), your parents, how terrible your hair is that day and how little of a damn you give.

The Unicorn Discotheque is a lovely place with loads of room; come on in.